The sweltering sky

31 July 08 | 10:09

Well, it's time to go away and do things in Japan. I'm not sure what things, because despite my best efforts to plan this trip over the course of the past few weeks nothing seems to have solidified yet. Yay! I do have a few things in mind, such as hunting down that mysterious Castlevania arcade game which may or may not be in Ikekuburo, and spending a Sunday afternoon in Akihabara to see if the area's rebounded from that terrible murder spree a month ago. But beyond the unpronounceable main event, it's all very seat-of-the-pants.

Anyway, I'll be blogging here and at 1UP -- mostly 1UP, since they're paying for this disaster-in-the-making -- but I will also upload photos to Flickr and, assuming I can sync up my rental phone to my account, do the Twitter thing as well.

posted by: | category: blog | forums | ten comments | §

Gaseous

30 July 08 | 15:08

Yesterday it was pointed out to me that the sword in Too Human's logo resembles a letter T. Now I am forever doomed to think of the game as "Toot, Human." Sorry, I know that's inappropriate for a game that is clearly meant to be High Art. High Art about killing mobs of monsters. Yes.

Also, I leave for Tokyo tomorrow and I have some schedule gaps in my trip. Please help me fill them! Preferably indoors, with access to air conditioning. Apparently the city's weather for the coming week hovers between "uncomfortably sweltering" and "hot enough to melt lead in the shade."

posted by: | category: blog, games | forums | 20 comments | §

Work in progress

29 July 08 | 13:45

Just so's you know, I've been doing some work on the site subscription bonuses that will be going out next month. I'm thinking buttons to start with, because I have a button machine already (just so long as I can remember where I put it), and they're pleasantly easy to make. Plus, it's about time I made this particular button a reality. It's been kicking around for two years now. That's just silly.

I'm planning on a button three-pack to begin, with the other two designs to be determined. For the mailing after that, I'll probably do a set of magnets. And after that? Maybe I'll slap together a print zine version of my favorite GameSpite articles along with some bonus content. I dunno. I'm wild and out of control and there's no predicting what I'll do.

That's right, Iceman. I am dangerous.

posted by: | category: blog | forums | 20 comments | §

Some placeholder title or whatever, I dunno

28 July 08 | 20:52

Add to Queue | Weekly DVD Releases
This week sees a format change for Add to Queue. Now that Blu-ray has proven itself to be moderately viable and most major releases are arriving on dual formats, the Blu-ray appendix is being gently retired. Of course, the real news this week is a sequel to Tron. (I would link to the site's old review of the movie from about eight or nine years ago, but it's completely terrible and needs to die.)


New Game + | Weekly Game Releases
Man, I wish this is what Yoda looks like Soul Calibur IV. I might actually buy the game if it were! Instead, he's a detailed little midget leaping at the embarrassingly gelatinous breasts of mostly-nude women. I can't believe I was criticizing Ikki Tousen for pandering. Namco's launch party tonight is at a bar called Fluid, presumably as a celebration of their mastery of fluid dynamics.

posted by: | category: film, games | forums | thirteen comments | §

The universe is so screwed

28 July 08 | 15:59

'Cause Scott Pilgrim is gonna kick its butt next February. Well, actually, knowing the way these things go, the universe will probably kick his butt instead. Still, you gotta respect his moxie. The important thing, of course, is that the next book has been dated. (February, like I said before.) That is rad.

MEANWHILE: I wasn't kidding about cutting off inquiries about contributing to the site. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but now I have 30 to wade through. That is a lot! I think it's gonna have to wait until I get back from Tokyo. Three weeks of work-related travel is taking its toll on me. On a related note, the next issue of GameSpite is going to work a bit differently than previous ones as well -- it was supposed to launch this weekend, but I'm still working on it. So it's probably going to be completed in two or three plus-sized installments rather than the usual four.

Also, I've put more stuff on the auction block, including some rarities likes Judgement Silversword. Selling has been kind of liberating, actually. It's nice to own less crap. My goal now is to reduce my total game collection to about 150 or so by the time this is all said and done. I'm really shocked by how many games I own; when you work with them for a living, they pile up faster than you can keep track of. But you know, I moved to San Francisco with all my essentials crammed into the trunk and back seat of a Nissan Sentra -- an older Sentra, at that, from before they super-sized them -- and I kind of miss that minimalism. I just have to take care not to get carried away...I keep finding myself thinking I should sell my TV and current-gen consoles, too. Which would be a bad idea, I think, if I intend to continue writing about games.

posted by: | category: blog, media | forums | 24 comments | §

Icky

27 July 08 | 20:15

Browsing around Amazon.com, I discovered an entry for an upcoming PS2 game called Shining Dragon, which a bit of googlekata reveals to be some entry in a series called Ikki Tousen. I was positive I knew that name from somewhere, and then remembered: It's the subject of endless NCSX snark, as apparently it's an unremarkable (and markedly smutty) fighting game whose main claim to fame is spawning a seemingly infinite array of figurines with removable clothing. Further inquiry reveals the premise of the game to be that the souls of the Romance of the Three Kingdoms-era generals have been reincarnated as teenage girls with extremely fragile clothing, and they must assert the dominance of their respective fifedoms millennia later by punching one another until they're nearly naked. Let's see what Google Image Search has to show about this. (Note: Do not try this at home... well, at least not without Safe Search activated.)



Yep. I know that when I think of Lui Bei or Cao Cao, the first thing that comes to mind is definitely an underaged combat nurse. Or a girl in teeny-tiny torn panties and a removable shirt wielding a naginata. History just got classy.

The fact that this is actually coming to the U.S. proves beyond shadow of a doubt that Sony no longer gives a slap about what gets published on PS2 these days. Paging Victor Ireland: Now is the time to get that janky Goemon game through concept approval, at long last!

posted by: | category: blog, games | forums | 26 comments | §

Call for writers

26 July 08 | 10:28

I've received a lot of inquiries in recent weeks from people interested in contributing content to the site. And I think the regular crew is getting a little bit burnt out from my demanding schedules, so rather than wear them down I want to expand the pool a bit, if I may use horrible, incoherent mixed metaphors for a moment. So, are you interested in writing for GameSpite? Drop me a private message on the forums to let me know. I ask only three things of you:

1. Include links to two sample articles so I can get a sense of your writing style;
   
2. Commit to contributing at least one article every three months;
   
3. Be a somewhat active participant on the site, either in blog comments or the forums.

That's all! Writing for GameSpite is not a pathway to glory and riches, and it probably won't make you a better person! But it is a chance for you to share your thoughts on games and stuff where a fair number of people can see them, and is there really any master so rewarding as the human ego? I say thee nay. Well, you can also hone your craft while receiving feedback and criticism from a small but active community of very opinionated nerds. I guess that's worthwhile, too.

Edit: Wow, good grief. That's already more than I can deal with. Thanks everyone! Now I'm going to try not to feel overwhelmed and sort out where to start.

posted by: | category: blog, gamespite | forums | 24 comments | §

I can't believe you got a heart of gold

25 July 08 | 19:16

I almost recommend you download and listen to the latest episode of 1UP FM. And I definitely recommend you don't use this as an opportunity to tell me how you just can't get into that show, man. I don't really care! This isn't the usual episode; it was recorded in a hotel room late last night after a long day of stumping about Comic-Con. As such it contains a fair amount of discussion on things like DC Universe Online, my love for Mirror's Edge, and a great deal of complete idiocy. Like the Frank Miller thing. After being inundated with ads for The Spirit, I randomly decided that Miller actually talks like a thick Brooklyn thug obsessed with hookers and strippers, and spent most of the trip interjecting comments about "hookahs" into pretty much every conversation I had at the show. Later, we learned that he actually does talk like that, except more nasally. Like if Kermit the Frog grew up in the Bronx.

Anyway, it's a very silly listen. And you can see the naughty Shiva-cycle in action (insert sleazy sax riff here) over at my 1UP blog.

posted by: | category: games | forums | nine comments | §

Close to the edge

25 July 08 | 01:47

The best part of Comic-Con may well have been finally having the opportunity to go hands-on with Mirror's Edge. How best to describe the game? The premise is pure William Gibson -- think playing as Chevette from Virtual Light -- while the gameplay is a first-person shooter minus the shooting, with a healthy dose of Assassin's Creed (minus the crappy parts), Ico and, uh, Sly Cooper. Odd mix? Yes, but that's what makes it so refreshing. The FPS genre is stale, stale, stale, with Portal being the first truly inventive thing to be done with the format in ages. That's not to say your standard FPS isn't fun, mind you, but it's so rare to see something truly new and different in action that Mirror's Edge would be striking even if its visual style weren't so stark and arresting.

In short, I really want to play this. Games are at their best when they offer a big imaginary playground to muck about in, and this particular playground looks fantastic.

posted by: | category: games | forums | 17 comments | §

The funk of 40,000 nerds

23 July 08 | 23:56

Hello Internet! I am in San Diego. Comic-Con is the most horrifying thing I've witnessed (and smelled) in quite some time, and I have said some very sarcastic things about it. I know how you like it when I am sarcastic, unless I am aiming it specifically at you, but hey!

Say hello if you see me tomorrow, because Friday morning I'm going home, and I am never ever coming back to this event, unless I somehow become a famous comics artist by accident and the public demands my appearance. Reason enough never to draw another comic again, I figure.

posted by: | category: blog | forums | 18 comments | §

Bunnies ahoy

23 July 08 | 08:12

Remember how I've been contemplating the creation of a video game for nigh unto many years? I think it's time to get serious about it. But realistically; the grand idea I had, the one I was calling The Venture, is far too grand for anything less than a full studio to put together. So I'm scaling back my initial ambition for a simple mascot platformer. Don't worry, though, it's not a furry mammalian mascot with Attitude(tm) -- that would fly in the face of everything I believe in! Instead, the humble Telebunny has received a promotion to leading man. Rabbit. Television-rabbit-thing. Whatever. The point is, I decided to try out some proof-of-concept sprite work to see, you know, if I can:


I think I can! Of course, the real trick is animating things, since I have no experience with that. Oh, and creating an entire game, I guess that's gonna be tricky too. Especially since the only game creation engine I know of for Macs doesn't really do 2D. But hey, impossible odds make for the sweetest victories, not to mention the most crushing defeats. I'll document my flailing efforts here for everyone's delight and schadenfreude.

It's just a shame that someone beat me to the name "telebunny" by a good twenty-five years. Stupid MSX, mucking everything up for everyone.

posted by: | category: super toasty bros. | forums | 40 comments | §

Burn, baby, burn

22 July 08 | 21:27

I disassembled my exercise bike assembly and ascertained the problem I noted yesterday. That problem being: You get what you pay for. Spend 90 bucks on an exercise bike and you'll end up with a hunk of crap! The problem is that this bike is really cheaply-made and the rubber belt that stands in where a chain should be has almost entirely disintegrated from friction. Don't I feel dumb! All this time I'd assumed the unpleasant burning smell when I was working out these past few weeks was my neighbors toking up with cheap pot, when in fact it was simply me literally burning rubber with my mighty thews or whatever. Ha! Ha! Sigh.

Anyway, I guess I could buy a replacement belt once a month for the rest of this thing's life, but I'm thinking that maybe I should bite the bullet and invest in a decent elliptical machine or something. Not that I can really afford it, at the moment, but I guess this would be one of the few legitimate reasons to put something on my credit card all irresponsible-like. (Said "legitimate reason" being my health.) I guess I'll think about it while I'm at Comic-Con.

Perhaps I will see some of you there! But probably not. I'm only there for a day and a half, and my schedule is packed.

posted by: | category: blog | forums | 18 comments | §

The kids are alright

21 July 08 | 22:33

And the kids to which I'm referring are specifically the ones who hang out around here and do... stuff. For instance, an E3-related limerick contest (vote now!). Oh, yes, and also these:

New Game + | Weekly Game Releases
This week is all about role-playing. And not in the private, keep-it-to-yourself kind of role-playing where you make your girlfriend dress like Tifa and you wear a chocobo costume, you horrible sick freak. I just mean the notable releases for tomorrow are RPGs. For DS! It's the new PlayStation (or maybe PS2) when it comes to Japanese RPGs.


Add to Queue | Weekly DVD Releases
VsRobot has gone and done away with his pick of the week for his DVD column for a variety of reasons -- for one, it doesn't really fit the tone and theme of what he's been writing. Secondly, and this is just a guess on my part, there's the fact that some weeks just don't see anything worth buying. Let go your need to judge and simply embrace the film medium, gentle reader.

posted by: | category: film, games | forums | eight comments | §

Musings... in... spaaaaaaace

21 July 08 | 20:29

Musing the First: Apparently I've built up enough endurance in my exercise routine that my bike wears out before I do. I noticed today a burning smell at about the 18-mile mark, and when I was done with my workout I noticed the pedal and chain mechanism was hot to the touch. Maybe it needs some bike grease or oil or something... but the mechanism is sealed and inaccessible. Ah, joy. One more expense I don't need.



Musing the Second: I feel like every week in which the Virtual Console sees a batch of import games that aren't Dracula X is an intense, vicious personal assault. Like if Kiera Knightley were to walk up to you, lean in slowly for a kiss and then suddenly ram her knee into your unmentionables. Fortunately, the eye-watering pain is somewhat abated by the fact that one of this week's selections, the snicker-worthily-named Gleylancer, normally sells for very nearly as much as Dracula X. If they'll give us Boomerang Cotton and Pulseman, I'll think about forgiving them for the lack of faux-16-bit Castlevania delightfulness. Maybe.

Musing the Second, Addendum: Weekly release columns took a break for E3, but they shall return tomorrow morning. Oh yes! There is no escape.

Musing the Third: Formula for a fantastic day of recovery from E3: One bowl oyako donburi, hold the onions; one taiyaki, chocolate; one noon showing of The Dark Knight.

It was a good movie, with lots of nice touches. I particularly appreciate the, ah, fluidity of the Joker's origins -- very few people understand that sometimes it's better to leave a bit of mystique about a character, and it's nice that Christopher Nolan didn't succumb to the temptation to give us a Baby Anakin moment. And while I'm generally averse to the trend of cramming multiple villains into a single superhero movie, the hospital scene is the one time in any flick of this genre that two major villains have ever shared screen time without it seeming farcically stupid. So good on that. Despite the general quality of the production, I still left the theatre a bit unsatisfied -- I think because The Dark Knight fills a role very much like The Empire Strikes Back. It's bigger, darker, more complex, more nuanced than its admittedly excellent predecessor, and while the story is almost entire self-contained it won't feel quite resolved until you can see where some of its not-entirely-tied-up plot threads go. Though I do hope the third film, which hopefully will not be called The Caped Crusader, is better than Return of the Jedi.

Musing the Third, Post Script: My one regret about the movie is that it's so far distanced from Tim Burton's films. The world has been robbed of a Prince song called "Y (R U) So Serious?" as a result!

(Image grabbed from HG101.)

posted by: | category: film, games | forums | sixteen comments | §

Oy Vay

20 July 08 | 17:16

A few weeks back, Sega's Ethan Einhorn showed up for one of our podcasts so he could pimp Super Monkey Ball for iPhone. My suggestion was to try and adapt a few classic Sega titles for the format, namely Phantasy Star or Rez -- they both seem pretty touch-screen friendly, right? Well, I take back my suggestion. Someone inexplicably decided to port Vay, of all things, to iPhone, and I decided to give it a try. It turned out to be a very bad idea! (Meaning both trying it and porting it to iPhone in the first place, to be precise.)


Yeah, wow. What? What happened here!?

I'm guessing this is one of those cases where some tiny little publisher acquired the rights to a dusty, disused and otherwise forgotten property and decided to capitalize on a budding platform in a desperate hope to earn back some of the cash spent on buying said rights. Now, I've never played Vay, because it was one of those games that seemed hopelessly, unplayably dated by the time I acquired a Sega CD (approximately 1998), but as far as I can tell this version doesn't use the Working Designs translation. The character uses his original Japanese name, and the opening "FMV" is narrated by a different actor. This means someone went to the trouble of relocalizing a game that maybe ten people will ever see. Also, as you can see above, they slapped some ill-fitting high-resolution sprites and backgrounds into the battle sequences, but not the rest of the game. And they didn't redraw the enemies at all. And the original-resolution artwork is stretched and blurred throughout. And, and, and my brain hurts now.

Worst of all is the control scheme, which involves tapping a spot to make the hero move there, or double-tapping to make the hero run straight ahead until he hits a wall. It's difficult to describe how lousy this system is! The setup isn't entirely different from many point-and-click PC games, except those generally get it right. Vay for iPhone absolutely does not get it right, and in fact gets it wrong so hard that I fully expect a letter of apology from Apple. Not for the five bucks wasted, but for the five minutes it took me to realize this might actually be the worst adaptation of a 16-bit game I've ever played. Oh, for the sweet succor of TOSE!

I like Phantasy Star too much to see this happen to it. I do still think an iPhone rendition of Rez could be pretty boss, though.

Also, I've thrown a bunch of stuff up on eBay to accompany my Super NES collection. Don't feel too bad for me about selling off these things. Sure, it stinks, but anything actually worth owning will find its way back into my possession again, eventually. This is all a temporary measure to get the girlfriend up and on her feet as a professional photographer, a process which involves a great many expenses; but she's quite talented and someday will be very successful. So, until then, I can live without Earthbound or whatever.

posted by: | category: games | forums | 22 comments | §

Liebot, what is the saddest thing?

19 July 08 | 15:29

The saddest thing is watching Koji Igarashi on the E3 show floor, hovering around the Castlevania Judgment kiosk for half an hour, knowing that everyone hates it, knowing that he knows they hate it, then realizing that it's not the game he really wanted to make anyway because his publisher won't give him two dimes to rub together to develop the really awesome games he does want to create. I mean, jeez, that's just freaking heartbreaking.



The second saddest thing is seeing the host of a retro-gaming podcast selling off his entire cherry-picked Super NES/Super Famicom collection to make ends meet. So please be sure to help bid it up to minimize everyone's sorrow, won't you?

Edit: OK, the saddest thing is that eBay discontinued the auction because modded consoles are off-limits. Never mind that the "modding" consisted of me filing down a pair of physical tabs. So, I guess it's poverty for me after all. Dammit.

Edit edit: I've relisted it without the verboten word. Also new to this version is a Buy It Now, just in case.

posted by: | category: blog, games | forums | 45 comments | §

The merchant of menace

18 July 08 | 21:44

I may have mentioned it before, but this review playthrough of the Dragon Quest IV remake is the first time I've ever played the game, period. (Unless you count a couple of hours with the import version of the same remake, but eh.) I've just now reached chapter three and the tale of Torneko, aka Taloon, now properly known as Torneko Taloon, who like his friend Ragnar McRyan seeks to appease both Japanese language edition purists and NES translation purists alike. Such purity, indeed!

Anyway, Torneko is awesome. I understand can see how he launched his own cottage industry of roguelikes -- his chapter of the game is unlike anything I've ever experienced in a console RPG. It's more like something out of Ultima Online, really.


You probably already know this, but Torneko's chapter isn't about saving the world or anything, although he does eventually become caught up in the game's bigger plotline, which does indeed involve saving the world from grim and certain disaster. But he starts out as a simple, unassuming merchant, a modest family man seeking to make his fortune in the world by traveling the deadly wastes to find somewhere to set up his shop. Much of his story, I've found, involves going to work every day and trading with a steady stream of customers, slowly building up his earnings until he can afford to buy the gear necessary to strike out on his own and find success. Every once in a while, you'll get lucky and someone will come trade a phenomenally expensive item which nets Torneko a huge commission... but mostly slow and steady does it.

It's not very exciting, and I feel like I should hate the repetitive randomness of the whole process, but I'm really enjoying it. Torneko's nine-to-five is a welcome counterpoint to the usual monster-slaying and level-grinding of console RPGs, and Torneko himself is incredibly likable despite having no dialogue whatsoever. He's a stout fellow with a loving family and a hometown rife with Cockney accents, for some reason, and such is the nature of Dragon Quest's minimalist style that these minor attributes are sufficient to make him thoroughly endearing. I'm starting to understand why this series is such a monster in its native land.

Uh, and I was lying about the menace thing. Torneko's pretty much the opposite of menacing. I just thought it was a punchy title. Surely you don't expect journalistic integrity here, of all places.

(Completely fantastic image swiped from FFVII Citadel)

posted by: | category: games | forums | ten comments | §

To the metal

17 July 08 | 22:48

I just flew in from E3, and boy are my legs tired. Yeah, legs. What, did you think this was a joke? No. The first thing I did upon getting home, you see, was spend an hour on the exercise bike. That exercise regimen I started up a month ago? I've actually managed to stick with it every single day for, by my count, 26 days. I'd be at a full month now if E3 hadn't taken me away for three days and plopped me in a hotel more concerned with looking rustic and Moroccan than in offering guest amenities like an exercise room. And no way was I jogging in L.A. -- if the humidity and pollution didn't kill me, the aggressive, wild-eyed homeless guy who stinks of human feces would have instead.

Anyway, it's good to be back in the routine. Honestly, my legs feel better tonight for having exercised. I spent my entire time at the LACC feeling stiff and slightly achy for not stretching them enough. Working out has become the one thing I totally look forward to every evening; I've moved my way up from that painful first day and my desperately agonizing twelve-minute/four-mile workout to 50-55 minutes and 18 or 19 miles every time. And where at first I struggled to deal with 3/8 resistance, now I spend most of my time at 3/8 or 4/8 and jump up to max resistance for short sprints. I don't have a scale, so I can't weigh myself, but I'm about to have to take in my belt another notch (the second since I bought this belt in February), so it must be having some effect. And I'm in a consistently better mood, too, with far less time spent in the doldrums.

Why didn't you people tell me exercise was so good for me sooner? Jerks.

Anyway, you don't really deserve it after letting me down like that, but we've recorded one of the best episodes of Retronauts ever. It's not the usual crew or the usual format, but I think that's part of what makes it so good -- it was something different, and we had to keep it quick and punchy to make room for 1UP Yours. I had been considering closing down the podcast, since the existing format has really run its course... but now I think I want to use this episode as a springboard to revitalize it. We shall see!

posted by: | category: blog, games | forums | 23 comments | §

Valkyria, profiled

16 July 08 | 23:06

It was written much too hastily between interviews today, and the final product is a bit messy and borderline incoherent in places. But if my Valkyria Chronicles preview inspires even one person to check the game out and support the creation of things that are as innovative as they are beautiful, then my trip to E3 will have been a success. That screenshot you're seeing above? That's in-engine. An actual battle screenshot. Not FMV, not a bullshot -- that's what the game really looks like. Except that in action, it's even more wonderful, complete with sound effects displayed as printed words. Also: Aika! The most lovable character from Skies of Arcadia's cast has become a digital actress working in new role. And she's allergic to pollen, apparently.

In fact, there's much more to the game than that preview touches on -- not only Aika's pollen allergy and other such minor character details that randomly affect combat, but the way certain warriors work better when grouped together on the battlefield, and the way characters can crouch for cover during combat, and how cover can be destroyed by tanks, and...well, anyway. It's no longer a foregone conclusion that Fallout 3 will be the best RPG released in October, is what I'm saying. The twenty minutes I played of Valkyria convinced me that it is absolutely spectacular.

P.S., Mega Man 9's box art is also spectacular, albeit in a completely different way.

posted by: | category: games | forums | 24 comments | §

I beat Mega Man 9

16 July 08 | 10:25

Yes, that's right: I beat Mega Man 9 this morning.

Well, I beat as much of Mega Man 9 as one could reasonably claim to have beaten at this point. The E3 demo is limited to just two stages, Plug Man and some other goon -- sorry, their names aren't given, but I'm assuming it's probably Concrete Man. The former's stage is pretty clearly Plug Man's, since the boss they show at the level select has a plug for a hand and a pair of A/C prongs on his shoulders. Also, his stage is full of electricity, and there are giant A/C jacks in the background. You know those big-ass jacks you plug a washing machine or refrigerator into? Yeah, these are way bigger than that. The other dude, though, I dunno. He's reddish and rounded and lives in the forest. He's just some guy.

I didn't even get to face off against either of the bosses! The demo ends as soon as you reach their chambers. However, I can safely say that even making it that far was the toughest time I've had with a Mega Man game since a much younger version of myself struggled through the original game twenty years ago.

According to Capcom's reps, only the company's internal people have managed to finish both stages. So, I had pride on the line and stuff. I asked if I could have one of their amazing MM9 "box art" T-shirts if I won -- it's truly a thing of glory, with badly-airbrushed Mega Man, a cyborg Dr. Wily and even the classic Capcom first-gen-NES grid background -- but alas, only a handful exist and belong to the game's internal staff. I pressed on regardless. Behold, the fruits of my labor!

This is where, uh, Concrete Man should live, I guess. This was the easy stage; the only real sticking point is the trio of giant robot elephants which live right before the mid-stage checkpoint. The secret, I learned, is to attack aggressively, Contra-style. Once you're past them, the rest of the stage is a breeze.


But man, Plug Man's stage. Holy crap. I said that I was almost looking forward to the disappearing block sections of the game, but... I think maybe I've changed my mind. This stage is insane -- it makes the block sections of Heat Man's level in MM2 look like a pleasant stroll. I mean, at least for Heat Man you can grab Item-2 and sail on past. Not here; aside from the fact that you only have the Rush Coil in the demo, the block layouts are really intricate and cramped, so you couldn't easily fly past. And once you get past the main gauntlet of blocks (which incorporates every disappearing block trick in the book), you still have to content with shadow Mega Man clones that materialize out of the air and rush at you. And tricky platforms with respawning cylinder robots that knock you out of your jump. And one final disappearing block gauntlet which requires perfect timing to avoid bumping your head and falling into a bed of spikes.

The thing is, I never once felt frustrated. Every time I died -- and I died a hell of a lot -- I knew exactly what I did wrong. I never felt like the game was cheating, or that poor controls had screwed me over, or that crappy level design was boning me. Someone at GAF was sulking about how wah wah Parish reamed Ultimate Ghosts 'N' Goblins he's gonna pan MM9 too, but that's silly. For one thing, two years is much too long to be sulking about someone calling out a crappy game. Seriously, guys, it's time to let go and heal your souls. And two, UGnG is, well, a crappy game, one where nearly every death feels arbitrary, unavoidable or completely random. What I've played of MM9 is the precisely the opposite: A beautiful example of how to create a viciously hard game that feels challenging rather than cheap. When I cleared Plug Man's stage, I felt like I'd earned a hard-fought victory; when I beat UGnG, I was just relieved not to have to play a poorly-crafted gauntlet of crap anymore. I mean, the game had its moments, but the aggregate was awful. But I'm all for tough games...when they don't suck.

And MM9, it doesn't suck. That sound you're hearing? It's an angelic host signing hosannahs of Capcom's redemption.

P.S. -- Watch your podcast feeds tomorrow. If you're good, Santa might bring you a surprise!

posted by: | category: games | forums | 17 comments | §

Shillin'

15 July 08 | 15:15

It's E3, and I'm picking the show's pitiful corpse of the few bits of meat that interest me, in the form of previews. Actually, the most interesting thing I've played so far is the one game I wasn't assigned to -- Valkyria Chronicles . I already loved its art style, but now that I've played the game I realize it's the world's most perfect combination of tactical strategy, third-person action, Nausicaa and unadulterated wonderfulness. Seriously, it's good, and the presence of Skies of Arcadia 's Aika as a playable character pretty much sealed the deal. Meanwhile....



I had the occasion to play Chrono Trigger for DS. Then I wrote about it. (Spoiler alert: It's Chrono Trigger.) And Mega Man 9 seems as good as I had hoped , but holy crap is it hard. I guess that's good! If a bit humiliatin'.

posted by: | category: games | forums | sixteen comments | §

Talking time (about Mega Man)

14 July 08 | 23:08

Sadly, I wasn't able to complete Mega Man 5 before my Inafune interview. I breezed through the game right up until Gravity Man, whose constant orientation-flipping absolutely crushes me. I'm not sure why this one boss is so hard! Maybe I will have to use a subweapon after all.



But as it turns out, no harm/no foul -- we didn't actually interview Inafune. Instead, we spoke to Hironobu Takeshita, who I think is probably quite a bit more hands-on with the game than the series' creator anyway. I think it was a pretty decent interview, given that we hadn't been able to play the game ourselves yet. All I've seen so far is the fact that there are only two bosses to fight in the demo version, and that the attract mode graphics channel Osamu Tezuka more vigorously than anything I've ever seen.

I'm happiest that Takeshita echoed some of my own thoughts and comments on the game. It's always nice to know that you're on the same wavelength as a developer, especially when that person is working on a game that's piqued your interest so. And let it be known that Shane Bettenhausen, who joined in for a portion of the questions, came away from the interview willing to reconsider his negative opinion of the game. See, Mega Man is love.

And yes, I asked for Takeshita's opinion on "Air Man Ga Taosenai." If you're gonna do an interview, you gotta do it right.

posted by: | category: games | forums | fifteen comments | §

Live from E3's shambling corpse

14 July 08 | 14:09

Well, I'm at E3 and trying desperately to drum up content from this farce.

Comical anecdote: there's a massive spike on my server load histogram right about noon -- like, maxing out its resources to the absolute redline. I guess Final Fantasy XIII's Xbox 360 betrayal really did make the Internet melt down. It's not just an empty catchphrase!

Edit: I posted an editorial masquerading as a news piece on this thing. Very exciting! Well, not really. It was a couple of Japanese guys hedging their responses and being interpreted by middle-aged Japanese ladies who have no idea what video games are.

posted by: | category: games | forums | nine comments | §

GameSpite Issue 8.4: More songs about monkeys and pirates

12 July 08 | 21:50

Monkey Island 2
And as the latest issue of GameSpite draws to its conclusion, I would like to be able to claim that the obvious theme for this issue was crafted deliberately. But the pirate-monkey motif is a complete coincidence and, I think, a testament to Ron Gilbert's ability to tap into humanity's collective conscious. We all think monkeys and pirates are awesome, and Monkey Island 2 proves they are.

Zack and Wiki: Search for Barbaros' Treasure
As for Zack & Wiki, I suppose it's probably the strongest candidate for "heir to the Monkey Island" crown we've yet seen, and this article was written for the sole purpose of shaming me into finally playing it. So. My copy is on the way, even though I really can't afford such things at the moment. Curse Capcom for exploiting my weak points: Combining Monkey Island and Mega Man Legends.

posted by: | category: games | forums | seven comments | §

Wall-e of text

12 July 08 | 09:53

Unsurprisingly, WALL-E was quite good. I don't think I enjoyed it quite as much as The Incredibles or Ratatouille, but hey -- we can't all be Brad Bird. Besides, making comparative evaluations of Pixar films has become an exercise in splitting hairs; the movie was easily right up there with Monsters Inc. and Toy Story 2, which is to say so much better than anything anyone else is animating these days as to exist upon an entirely different plateau.

Only Pixar would have the courage to ask, "What if R2-D2 had starred in I Am Legend instead of Will Smith?" Their answer: A surprisingly melancholy film with a palpable -- painful, even -- sense of loneliness. Well, that's the first 30 minutes, anyway. Eventually the setting and tone change considerably and WALL-E becomes more of your standard cartoon; a bit of a letdown after the earth sequences, which do an amazing job of creating a sensation of isolation without the bleakness of something like Legend or Cast Away. And I'm quite alright with the underlying theme of the movie, which not-so-gently chides American excess and our willingness (or perhaps I should say "contentedness") to let the truly good things in life slip past unnoticed as we become wrapped up in the petty and the self-indulgent. Still, the tenor of the "homilies in space" portions of the movie lack the somber austerity of its opening moments, though they certainly never descend to the level of obnoxious idiocy like the Madagascar 2 trailer that ran before the flick. (I'm pretty sure Pixar lets Dreamworks attach its previews to their films simply for the sake of sabotaging the competition.) Happily, the payoff for the entire movie is the greatest credits sequence I've ever seen, which depicts the reclamation of a ruined world in a series of stylized illustrations that parallel the course of reconstruction with the evolution of art.

Honestly, the only real disappointment with the movie is that Pixar has licensed WALL-E action figures. I mean, sure, it makes sense; the robots, like the titular Cars of a couple summers past, look to be designed in part for the sake of selling toys. (Or maybe iPods, in EVE's case.) And they sure weren't raking in ancillary dough with Ratatouille. But doesn't churning out needless plastic items sold strictly to line a corporation's coffers at the expense of sheep-like consumers pretty much fly in the face of everything the movie's about? Ah, well... I suppose integrity and sincerity can only be expected to go so far, even with the likes of Pixar.

But you know what was truly great? The opening short, which I think was called Presto. It was five minutes of physical cartoon comedy channeling the best of classic Warner Bros. and somehow out-Bugs-ing the finest Bugs Bunny cartoons ever made. It lacked the emotional resonance of WALL-E, obviously, and didn't bother with anything so mundane as "themes" or "subtext." It was simply manic, inventive visual slapstick. But of the two, it was Presto that left me choked up -- not because it was a touching tale or anything dumb like that, but because I realized that I had just experienced something I didn't even know I missed. For just a few minutes, someone had resurrected a dead artform and breathed new life into it, and when it ended I recognized the rarity of what I had just witnessed. It was as though a dodo bird had emerged from extinction and nuzzled up against me, affectionately, before laying down and expiring to mark the final passing of its kind.

posted by: | category: games | forums | 34 comments | §

Wake up

11 July 08 | 17:16

The forums are reinstated. Be gentle! If the site melts down again, I will be very sad. And I'm planning to see WALL-E tonight, which I understand to be composed of sheer joy and unadulterated cheer. So please don't spoil it for me!

posted by: | category: blog | forums | fourteen comments | §

Nap time

11 July 08 | 09:24

The forums, for no clearly-explained reason, appear to be annihilating the site today. Or at least, I think that's what's going on. I've taken them offline temporarily to see if it makes a difference in the grand scheme of me being able to access my own site. In the meantime, I guess you can talk about very important things in the comments thread?

Edit: Switching off the forums has helped, but bandwidth usage is still unreasonably huge given the site's current, modest traffic levels. I've killed offsite image hotlinking on the suspicion that someone has been behaving poorly. Hopefully this will make a difference and I can reinstate the forums this afternoon.

posted by: | category: blog | forums | 138 comments | §

An actual progress report

10 July 08 | 18:11

Having survived my domestic crisis, I finally had the opportunity to make a bit of actual progress in Mega Man 5. Weirdest damn thing -- I know I've finished this game before, but I don't remember a bit of it. So this playthrough has been like experiencing an entirely new chapter of the series. Even so, it is thus far as unremarkable as my enfeebled memory tells me. Let's discuss:



Crystal Man's stage -- that is his name, right? I honestly have forgotten -- was basically Dust Man's level from Mega Man 4 given a makeover to look like Gemini Man's stage from Mega Man 3. With the little skull dudes from Skull Man's stage, who now form and fire crystals from thin air for no real reason besides the fact that, well, it's Crystal Man's stage. Good enough, I suppose, but ultimately sort of boring.



Next up: Star Man. Yes, I know that's not the prescribed order. I don't remember who's weak to what, and half the fun of these games is sorting out the proper order of things on your own. (Besides, I've had no trouble polishing off all the robot masters with the Mega Buster anyway, so it's not like I really need to exploit weaknesses anyway.) This stage was off to a good start with those satellite dishes in the background, but then it just turned out to be Bubble Man's stage with a palette swap to indicate a new medium. Yeah, so I'm leaping high and slow in vacuum rather than water; same thing, especially when mines are everywhere. I also polished off Gyro Man, whose level was so unremarkable I didn't even bother to take screens.

I'm determined to finish off the game before I go to E3. Maybe it will become more interesting! But if not, at least I can try and extract a promise that the upcoming game will be more creative when I interview Inafune. Speaking of which, a Mega Man 9 suspicion confirmed: Splash Woman is indeed the robot version of Daryl Hannah.

posted by: | category: games | forums | ten comments | §

Mega Man 5 update

09 July 08 | 12:35

I finally got around to giving Mega Man 5 a second (or fourth) chance last night. Except not really. I was feeling too lazy to dig up my cartridge so I just popped open an emulator. And I was feeling too lazy to actually go to the other room and get a USB game pad, so I just played with keys. Despite what lying liars like Scott Sharkey might tell you, key control for NES games is not acceptable! So I don't think this playthrough counts.

However, the unexpected surprise ending to this tale of nothingness is that it prompted my girlfriend to ask if she could play. It bears repeating here that she is a person who does not do gaming, wherein "do" is a word meaning "have any involvement whatsoever with." Occasionally she'll catch me off-guard with a "I used to love... what was it called? Lode Runner?" But mostly our relationship is founded on her politely pretending that my job description is "writer" rather than "writer about video games." And it works pretty well. But something about Mega Man 5 caught her attention -- the graphics, for one. She finds modern games far too complicated, and while I admired her chutzpah in fighting her way through the first two and a half stages of Halo a while back I'm also fairly certain that the intricacies of the game's control scheme cemented her determination to never, ever play anything involving 3D space again. But hey, Mega Man is the opposite of Halo -- simple, colorful, appealing. I can see where it might catch the eye of someone who hasn't spent any time gaming for the past few decades.

So I decided to dig up my USB controller after all and start her out on easy mode in Mega Man 2. I figured that's probably the easiest possible way to get into the series. It didn't go so well, though. I found these screenshots on my desktop this morning, apparently captured by accident as she fell into pits and mashed the screen cap button in her efforts not to die:



I saw a lot of that last night. After about 15 minutes of not making it past the initial air devil gauntlet in Air Man's stage, she insisted I help her by telling her when to jump. Have you ever had to navigate someone through each and every jump in a platformer, receiving an indignant accusation of failure every time your guidance led to another untimely demise? Our relationship has survived many trials and challenges over the years, but ten minutes of me sputtering "GO NOW!" and her more-or-less following my commands about a second later nearly destroyed us.

But we made it. We came out of it alive, and still together. I would like to thank whoever invented save states, because this single innovation may have saved our relationship. Eventually, after many many state defrosts over the course of 45 minutes, she made it to the end of the stage... and proceeded to blow my mind by wiping out Air Man in a single try.

I'm absolutely positive there's a lesson about Mega Man 9 in here, but danged if I know what it is.

posted by: | category: blog, games | forums | 24 comments | §

Rearmed with awesome

08 July 08 | 15:56

This game is probably better than I deserve.

posted by: | category: games | forums | 18 comments | §

Rogue's gallery

07 July 08 | 21:47

New Game + | Weekly Games Releases
"Rogue's gallery!" Get it, see? Chocobo's Dungeon is a roguelike. There's some other stuff out this week, too, but it all kind of sucks. That's the strategy they use, over in the games industry. They starve you before E3 so you're hungry for good news and salivate at the most insignificant morsel of info. And as insignificant as this E3's gonna be, they've had to starve us hard.

Add To Queue | Weekly DVD Releases
See, and The Joker is the top dog in Batman's rogues gallery. It's a witty joke! Anyway, I guess this week's selection is some kind of anime Batman or something -- but weirdly, one that doesn't appear to have been designed by Kia Asamiya. I bet he's all depressed about that. Or not, I really don't know. Or care! Anyway, read the column, it'll put hair on yer chest.

posted by: | category: film, games | forums | seven comments | §

Confidential to Square and Apple

07 July 08 | 17:38

Screw you, Square, for making an interesting-looking RPG for iPod that I am incapable of running on either of the iPods I own, or on my iPhone. And screw Apple for creating such a fragmented platform to begin with.



It's a shame, too. Song Summoner looks like a Barcode Battler kinda thing mixed with Final Fantasy Tactics, capable of translating MP3s into character data. I imagine that song length is a salient factor in this process, so I'm bummed that I won't be able to annihilate the forces of evil with indestructible giants made from Tales from Topographic Oceans and A Passion Play.

Speaking of Square, I'm on tap to go to Japan next month and cover their public event. Any Tokyo types care to partake of the privilege of buying me dinner while I'm over there? I plan to stick around for an extra day or two trying to drum up interviews and such, so you'll have plenty of opportunities to fete me.

posted by: | category: games | forums | 24 comments | §

Rock, man

06 July 08 | 23:28

Huh, that accidental Mega Man 9 article turned out to be way more popular than I expected. I was hoping I'd be able to stress-test the site's new private hosting service, but I didn't expect an all-time one-day traffic record so soon. And so far as I can tell, the site only broke down once, and then just for a few seconds. So that's good! It looks like this mad sucscription/hosting thing is going to work out after all.

I can't complain that this particular article was the one to catch the Internet's fickle attention, either. It's a piece that honestly represents several years' worth of observations and thinking, and I spent about a week formulating it in my head before spending a good chunk of yesterday putting into actual words. Of course, even then it didn't quite turn out like I had intended, but I think the ultimate point comes across regardless: Games, as a medium, can employ a full range of styles and technology, and as the medium matures I think (or at least hope) we'll see developers making deliberate decisions to anchor their creations at all different points on the technological spectrum -- not just at the "bleeding edge" end.

Well, the ultimate point mostly comes across. This being the Internet, I did notice a bit of the usual myopia, with people either willfully striking out to disagree or simply getting hung up on utterly incidental comments which had no bearing whatsoever on the main thesis. Much to my surprise, it turns out that some parts of the Internet really like Mega Man 5! I mean, really really like it, as in the collective reaction at every site where the article was linked to my offhand remark that MM5 was soulless and phoned-in was about he same as if I had just stabbed everyone's mother in the eyes. The fact that I didn't write the site's MM5 review myself notwithstanding, this heartfelt love for what I've always considered the low ebb of the NES Mega Man games caught me rather off-guard; and while I've long since learned to roll my eyes at the feral fury of the Internet's collective temper-tantrums about games, I've seen enough genuinely sorrowful responses to our cumulative MM5 criticism that I feel compelled to reconsider my opinion.



Bear in mind, though, that I have quite a history with MM5. Specifically, it is the game that made me get rid of my NES. Let's recount history, here: I saw Mega Man 2's glory previewed in two Nintendo Power screenshots and promptly went and mowed a bunch of lawns so I could buy the last copy of the original Mega Man at our local Waldensoft, along with MM2 when it arrived a few months later. They were fabulous and I loved them. Mega Man 3 arrived the following year at Christmas, and Mega Man 4 the Christmas after. (They were excellent and pretty good, respectively.) But I merely rented Mega Man 5, because it didn't look to offer anything particular new...a suspicion which was borne out through hands-on gameplay. I realized with much sadness that the heyday of the NES was long past, and that innovation and fun had hitched their wagon to the Super NES's Mode 7-capable trailer post. And so I bade farewell to my NES...well, sort of. I retired it to the closet and only pulled it out again to be broken down to use in a college art project. (That's right: I was doing cool, artsy things with video game stuff back in 1995. Screw you, Internet, you Etsy-using, late-blooming bunch of wannabes.)

Still, maybe I was wrong. Maybe there's this nugget of amazing brilliance hidden in some part of MM5 that I simply overlooked in 1991, and again in 1999 when I imported and played through the Rockman Complete Works PS1 reissues, and again a couple of years ago when I reviewed Mega Man Anniversary Collection for GameCube and PS2. You never know! I'm never afraid to admit I was wrong.



But... I kinda doubt I am.

posted by: | category: games | forums | 23 comments | §

GameSpite Issue 8.3: Polar opposites (collect them all!)

06 July 08 | 11:09

Everything Wrong is Right Again
People have been pestering me to go on some podcast or another and debate the merits of Mega Man 9. But I don't wanna. Unfortunately, it was all bound to come out eventually, so what was supposed to be an editorial on the resurgence of classic gaming forms is pretty much an apologia for Capcom's baffling design decisions. But whatever. You know I'm right.

Gears of War
At the exact opposite end of gaming's spectrum from MM9 is Gears of War. I personally find GoW to be precisely what I don't want in a game, at least in terms of aesthetics and presentation, but I have to admit its game mechanics are pretty rad. Being a kind and benevolent god, I have not polluted SamuelMarston's article with my snark. You're welcome.

Tragedy of the Collectathons
And finally, adventure game nut Merus leads us on a Queen's English-tinged journey into the dark underbelly of the modern platforming genre. In my opinion, it's a pretty good case for why we need Mega Man 9! But at this point I'm starting to see signs of its divinity everywhere I look. I'm probably not very reliable on this topic. Uh, anyway, this article is great. Read it!

posted by: | category: games | forums | 18 comments | §

Melting pot

05 July 08 | 16:41

I have a fairly long-running tradition now of always eating sushi on the Fourth of July. (The one exception being a couple of years ago when my parents were visiting and we ended up going out for Chinese instead. But I ordered fish, so it almost counts.) The tradition started out, I think, as an attempt to be ironic -- ho ho, uniquely Japanese food on Independence Day, aren't I clever -- but now it's just an excuse to eat raw fish. I mean, who wouldn't want this?



Er, well, maybe not that, precisely. It looked a lot better before my phone's camera mauled it, I swear. It was nice to go out for sushi; my finances of late have made it an unaffordable luxury. That fit the holiday, too. What could be more American than spending beyond your means? When you live in a city where it's usually too foggy in the summer to see fireworks (and too chilly for cookouts), nothing says "July 4th" like sushi.

Or as I like to call it, Freedom Fish.

posted by: | category: blog | forums | eleven comments | §

The most beautiful car in the world

04 July 08 | 14:30

I finally got around to taking a photo of my favorite car in the world -- a white Scion I constantly see parked around the neighborhood. Nothing unique about a Scion in San Francisco, but this one stands out by virtue of basically being a mobile shrine to the Little Purple Wonder. Yes, it is an automotive monument to Prince.


San Francisco, you are great.

posted by: | category: blog | forums | nine comments | §

Ain't no gettin' offa this train we-- oh

03 July 08 | 19:23

I was all fired up to write something irritable about how terrible public transit is in San Francisco -- San Francisco, of all places! The hippiest metropolis in the world. This five-train clog at the tunnel made me walk all the way home up and down frickin' Parnassus Street, so named apparently because by the time you reach the top you feel like you're about to commune with the gods forever. But then it turned out the traffic jam had to do with a dead guy sprawled across the tracks, which had an interesting alchemic effect: It instantly transmuted my irritation to unease. This is pretty much the opposite of the kind of neighborhood where you expect to see corpses in the middle of the street. I guess living among a 90% population of retired Chinese immigrants is less safe than previously assumed.


In less alarming news, today's Retronauts didn't happen due to the fact that I couldn't find enough people without scheduling conflicts to create a full podcast. Next time, double-decker podcast. In the meantime, Ray Barnholt and I are kicking off a 25-day blitz of fun Famicom facts (and opinions... mostly opinions, actually) to celebrate the system's 25th anniversary. Yes, I will be whoring these out with great delight. You can click the image above to see this delightful whoring in action.

Edit: Apparently I didn't actually see a dead body on the tracks. The police shut down the train route because someone found a live mortar shell in their apartment. I... don't think that's an improvement.

posted by: | category: blog, games | forums | ten comments | §

Change is in the air

03 July 08 | 00:18

Looks like the site has already begun the switchover to private hosting -- web hosting has migrate, and MySQL should follow soon. I'm not really sure how this is going to work out, though, so please do not hate me if things suddenly go to crap around here. With luck, they'll improve... if they get worse, though, please feel free to complain on the forums. You know, assuming they're still working.

Edit: Uh, wow. At least so far, the main site's performance has improved dramatically. Hopefully the same will hold true for Talking Time once the other changes take effect. Dear subscribers, you are awesome and make awesome things happen.

Edit again: Man, you guys are resource hogs, apparently. Maybe this isn't going to work out.

Edit edit edit: OK, I think I've reached a point where the server is, dare I say it, stable and fast. We're still waiting on the database stuff for the forums, but I think the difference in site performance is already appreciable. Peak GameSpite traffic always comes Tuesday around noon for some reason, so I'll keep running at the current level until then and adjust as needed based on how things pan out after the traffic rush from the weekly updates. Anyway, if everyone goes well, maybe I can start making a reality of some of my Grand Plans. We shall see! Thanks again for the support, and for your patience while I try to sort out what works best.

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